a fear of commitment

It's true - I'm afraid of commitment. I never have liked making decisions that have a lasting impact on my freedom and independence, and in many cases I put them off and put them off until one is made for me.

I've been trying to figure out why this is the case, and I think it's because I have such a problem letting go of what I see as my responsibilities once I commit to a group regarding something. Case in point were many of my soccer teams growing up when I wouldn't be able to stand many of the people I was playing with, and yet still felt some responsibility not to desert the team. The same thing happened my senior year regarding softball.

So I've resolved to be more selfish, and to try and ignore any guilt I may potentially have about 'deserting' a group or team that I'm associated with. Of course there aren't any cases where I can practice this new-found resolve now, but hopefully it will help me feel better making commitments to things and people, without fear that I won't be able to make myself get out of them when necessary. Because I think there's such a thing as too much patients, and I often suffer from it.

So here's to being selfish sometime in the near future. I hope.