Desperation

I can't stand having long fingernails. I probably clip them 2-3 times a week (not the same ones, but they grow at different rates). But lately I've misplaced my little clipper things, so I have resorted to desperate measures. I used scissors. But the problem with that is I can't really see what I'm doing, so I tend to cut the nail too short, which ends up being annoying and hurting a little. And I make sharp edges, so it's not a great solution. A better one would be to go to the store and buy a new set of clipper things. But I like improvising better.

And yes, I really have nothing else going on right now other than this to talk about.

Napage

There's not much in this work better than an afternoon nap. They were one of my favorite things about college, and the only thing that allowed me to stay up until 4 am playing Gemstone and still be able to argue in class. I miss them so much that I've found myself taking afternoon naps on Sunday even when I'm not tired. But I take one because I can.

It does make for interesting dreams when I'm not tired, though, and I tend to remember them more when I'm not tired. To continue the theme lately, Robert, Chris, and I were embarking on an adventure. I don't remember what the adventure involved, but it was very adventurey.

Unfortunately, the drawback of an afternoon nap is that I'm not tired when I should be going to bed. Which is probably why I'm really tired at the beginning of every week.

Happy Birthday...

Katharine Hepburn.

I thought we'd celebrate by remembering our favorite Hepburn movies (K Hepburn, not A Hepburn).

The point, gentlemen, is that they lived.

With the up-coming (or in some cases past) season finales for various tv shows, I'm struck with the fact that I don't really like happy endings. Now, contrary to the (probable) popular belief that I don't like them because I don't like happy things, the reason for this is more that I don't trust them, because I don't trust endings.

Even in books I hate endings (even happy ones), because I always want to know what happens next. Perhaps I've had this feeling of late because of the abundance of shows I've been watching which have been prematurely given a happy ending. In Firefly, Arrested Development, Freaks and Geeks, and even Alias (okay, it's not really premature, but I don't think it should end) I feel like there has to be more going on, because the main thing the heros fight against doesn't go away.

Sure, they've told the story they meant to (well, in Alias, not Firefly) but there's still something to fight, and the enemy isn't going to let the hero rest. I can't see the government ever letting River get away (she's way too powerful) and I can't see the evil out there ever letting Sydney live her life in peace. The only way either could happen is if they go and hide, and given both characters, I can't see that happening.

All this to say I will miss my shows when they're gone, although I'm trying to get hooked on Lost. It's not nearly as good as Alias (I might post about why later) but I've used the word "intriguing" a lot when talking about it, so there's something worthwhile there. And the alternate reality game or whatever it is a pretty awesome idea.

The bygone days of Winter

I've finally admitted to myself that winter is over. It's not that I don't like the spring or the summer, it's that I really love the winter. I love being cold when I sleep, and wearing warm clothes (scarves and beanies!) But last night I finally officially took my flannel sheets out of circulation and steeled myself for only cotton sheets for the next six months.

It was only a couple weeks ago that I stopped wearing my jacket to work (although it's freezing in my office so I think I might take and leave one at work). So I must accept that the cold weather is gone, and I will only get a little glimpse of it when in the mountains. But with the fans that I have going in my room, I can pretend that is at least November. Or the later part of October, at least.

The stuff that dreams are made of

Yes, I'm going to quote The Maltese Falcon for the third time. Deal with it. There's a reason that it's ranked 14th on AFI's Top 100 quotes, after all.

I think I've posted this before, but I very rarely have bad dreams. Even when I was young, I don't remember having very many nightmares (although I had one reoccuring nightmare when I was little that was fun). And even when I do have bad dreams, they definately involve me fighting the bad guys, not just sitting and hiding or running. And strangely enough, they are almost all in my house, and especially in my room.

Growing up, my favorite bad dreams were the ones when I would wake up convinced that there were witches in the house, and I would sit perfectly still in bed coming up with ways to battle them.

I think I've discovered that I either need to stop watching shows like Alias and playing adventure RPG's, or I need to find some adventure to put in my life so that my dreams stop being interesting. I'm not going to give up Alias (well, I will give up new episodes when I have to, but I won't like it!) or video games, so I guess I'll have to find some adventure. And I think I know where to start.

Girthiness

I have a cankle. Yes, singular. Just one. I'll try to take a picture and put it up here, but it looks like Girthy is getting girthier, at least until the swelling goes down. But I am living up to my name, even if I have to hurt myself to do it.

Vegas was fun, although I'm probably going to disappoint everybody by saying that I didn't do any gambling. Yep, none. First, I was much too tired and hot to go do anything after the games, and second, I was already having trouble breathing with all the dust in the air, and didn't feel like dying of smoke to go in a casino. Even so, I had fun.

The soccer was very good, actually. Nice and competitive, with one of my teammates even getting in a fight with another team. She didn't start it, but she sure did finish it. I never have figured out why other teams always go after the biggest person to pick a fight with. This other girl apparently (I didn't see the beginning) hit Megan in the head, then ran. She ran because Megan is about 5'10 and built like a linebacker. Silly girl. Needless to say, Megan grabbed her, threw her to the ground, and got one punch in before the other team grabbed her and pulled her off. It was funny, although annoying that we afterwards had to play one player down (they did, too, so it wasn't too bad).

Lately

I've thought of a lot of different posts to make lately, but somehow haven't managed to find the time to put them up here. Or, perhaps I just haven't found the inclination to put them up. Either way, they're not here.

Robert might have finally succeeded in getting me hooked to Lost (although why he would want to given my track record with the tv shows I watch I don't know why), but I was never really against the idea, it was just a matter of timing. So here's to hoping that Lost doesn't die within a season of me starting to watch it like all of the other shows I've watched recently.

I finally got to watch M*A*S*H, which I've had for probably about two months now, on Monday. It was funny, and has definately made me want to watch the Robert Altman film coming out soon. Even if it does have Lindsey Lohan in it.

Also, I got a new phone! I'm officially IN the network now, so those of you with Verizon can call me without fear of using all you minutes. I have the same number, though, so you don't have to worry about that. Also, I'm headed to Las Vegas, to hopefully not hurt myself playing 7 games of soccer in two days. It should be interesting. And the intersting part will be spending three days with my mom, not soccer.

Alias Tonight!

That's all I have to say.

Shattered goals

So when I took this job at Bolthouse I thought to myself, "Okay, nobody here knows you (with the exception of Catherine, who is my mom's age, so it doesn't count). Nobody has to know what a nerd you are if you don't want them to! They won't pick on you like everybody else in the world does!"

It turns out that I do have a sign taped to my back that says, "Please pick on me," because it wasn't even a week and the teasing had already started. I think I'm going to have to accept that I bring this on myself, and I think I'm okay with it.

But I did hide a good deal of my nerdiness from my co-workers. I did not once mention Gemstone. I often mentioned my love of soccer and sports. One place that my nerdiness came out was in my discussion of movies, but even this was disguised. The only games I mentioned were when Xboxing was brought up by another memeber of the sales team, and I never mentioned Gemstone or anything that would give me away. Until today, that is.

A guy I work with is going to be in Las Vegas this weekend, where I will also be. So I decided to ask him, "Why are you going to Vegas? Just because?" The resulting conversation went something like this:

Joe: Is there another reason to go?
Becca: Well, I can think of one (thinking that they would remember the reason I'm going is soccer). long pause Soccer.
Everybody: Oh yeah.
David: I was thinking you were going to say something like a video game conference.
Everybody: Haha. Do they even have those?
Meanwhile I'm not saying anything and go back to work
David: They do, don't they.
Becca: not liking where this is goingWell, yeah. It's called Vegascon. But I haven't been!

So this wasn't turning out very well, but I didn't think it could get worse. Then I decided to try to explain that it wasn't a video game conference, but an online game conference (I've made the hugest little mistake). So I said, "Well, it's actually not a video game, but an online MUD." When asked what a MUD was, I responded, which promptly caused the person sitting next to me to almost die of laughter.

When I finally got her to calm down enough to explain what was so funny, she told asked me if I play D & D, to which I responded, "Well, no," but apparently I wasn't convincing enough, because she started laughing more. I told her, "I have never played D&D in my life, although I've played many games that are based on it, but all in an electronic form."

She told me that the people from her high school who played D&D were the types of kids who wore capes to school. To which I responded (without thinking), "Oh, well I have a cloak and a cape."

This was the last straw, and she had to go get a tissue to mop up the streaming tears from laughter. When she finally got back, I assured her that, yes, I really do have a cloak, and that I have worn it at times other than Halloween, mostly at camp and when filming movie, though. This seemed to calm her down a bit, but I've officially lost my lack of "nerdiness" here at work.

Oh well, it had to happen sooner or later.

Previously, on Alias

Alias, quite possibly the awesomest of awesome shows, will start the home stretch tonight. Two hours of glorious CIA action! Unfortunately, the experience will be bittersweat due to the fact that it will all be over soon, but there's always the hope of books and movies and what-not following shortly after the end. After all, no character ever truely died (except Lauren! I'm pretty sure she's dead and gone. And Francie), so why should the show die when it's supposed to?

Is it bad that I'm tempted to get a new phone so that I can download the Alias theme song as my ringer?

Comfort activities

It's amazing what Marlon Brando and Lego can do to make a day better.

Boring post, don't read (I'm serious)

It's amazing how much time I can waste writing then erasing both titles to posts and posts themselves. Especially when I have been posting frequently. But I usually post when I need to waste time, so I guess it's all good. If this post is so boring, you may be wondering why I posted it. Well, I did because it's my blog, and I can do what I want, even just write my rambling thoughts down. And I need to waste 45 minutes before I can go home.

I've been thinking lately about culturally expected actions, and how I hate them. But there must be some reason for them. Actually, I've been thinking about a short story by OSC in the Enderverse about when Andrew's mom and dad met. Now, they were both brilliant, and she (Teresa) was a grad student in like cultural anthropology and ended up teaching him (John Paul). So they started talking about survival of the fittest and societal influenced actions and what not, and I have to wonder how true it is that society causes actions that are going to help it survive. I mean, there's always been Darwin's idea of survival of the fittest (don't make me go Darwin on your butt!) and I've always had a little bit of trouble buying it. I mean, sure, it makes sense, but doesn't seem to apply to humans anymore. Seriously, look at current reproductive trends. It's not the smart people having lots of babies.

Anyways, does this mean that SoF doesn't apply anymore? Or does it mean that instead of breeding traits in individuals that will help us survive (big teeth and claws) we're "breeding" actions in society that will cause the survival of individuals (certain societies). Like the fact that you should work and not be lazy, and "grow up." I've always hated the idea of growing up, and yet it seems like I can't get out of it. It's ingrained into me (okay, not acting old, but getting a job and what not).

I told you not to read this, but since you have, you should read the short story, I think it's called Teacher's Pet. Actually, you just have to read the first part, because after that it's about John Paul trying to get Teresa to like him (apparently he succeeds because they are married and have three kids in Ender's Game), but the class part is interesting. That's what I love about OSC's books - they make me think long after I'm done reading them.

Tax Time

I don't really care about my finances, for the most part. If I have money in the bank, and have a general idea that income > expenditures, I'm good to go. And if they aren't, I just spend less, and it all works out. So when I get things in the mail regarding finances, I tend to misplace them. Usually there are a couple of piles of check stubs and other mail I get from the various places I work/worked for.

So I had to search through all these piles this morning looking for 10-99s or W-2s or whatever it is I get so that my mom could do my taxes today (thanks Mom!). Luckily they were all there (except for one that my mom had kept or something), but I also found three checks! So while I might have to pay money for my taxes, I've ended up getting around $300 from the whole thing (before taxes). So I think I'll have to take my mom out to dinner as thank you for doing them for me.

It's so nice having a former accountant (mom) and future accountant (Billy) in the family around this time of year.

Fewmets and Frivolities

Is anybody else as tired of animated wild animals in movies as I am (no offense, Rob)? I mean, seriously. Don't these animated studios talk? There might possibly be such a thing as market saturation.

I've decided to start saying the saying in my subject line, as much as I can. I think it will be a new curse, much like Zedd's "Bags!" in the Sword of Truth books, and Merlin's "Pollux and Castor blow me to Bermuda!" in The Once and Future King and spin-off's. I'm not sure the opportunities I'll have to say it, but I'll do my best to find them.

Fun sounds in the dead of night

For most of Jr. High and High School my bed was broken. There are two metal braces that go underneath the mattress and help the springs hold up weight, andthe one towards the foot of the bed popped off one side I don't know when. It makes a very fun sounds whenever anything gets on or off the bed, since it bounces back and forth.

So last night I was just about to fall asleep (must later than I would have liked, stupid Skype!) when I hear a loud popping sound. It gave me a start because I'm always paranoid about my tv is going to fall off it's perch. After waking up fully, though, I realized what happened (due to the bouncing noise) and promptly went back to bed.

I guess my girthiness finally got to the bed again.

Yeah, it makes me look more...

Whenever somebody says the word "pensive" I always respond (unless I stop myself) with, "Damn, I was going for thoughtful." And sadly, nobody ever gets it. Which makes me think that maybe I do quote movies and tv (but mostly movies) more often than most people. But at least there's a small chance of them recognizing the quote, whereas if I quote things my friends and I say, there's no chance. So I guess it's better to quote movies.

What's really bad is when I want to quote deleted scenes, like has been the case recently after watching Serenity.

Love affair

I love cheesecake. Actually, love is too weak a word for what I feel. I lurve it, I loave it, I luff it. Yes, two F's. (Couldn't miss the chance to quote a movie). But somehow, Natalie was surprised last night when I went straight to the cheesecake when ordering dessert, passing up some other very nice looking choices. So, in order to make sure all my other friends know about my love for cheesecake, I've decided to post my poem about it. I know most of you already know (how could you not?), but apparently there are some out there who don't.

A note to the reader: plain cheesecake is the only way to go, although a bit of say raspberry topping is okay. As long as it isn't overbearing, because then it ruins it.

You sit in solitude,
Towering in your simplicity.
Though others may garnish you,
There is nothing you lack, they are
Frivolities.

Standing tall and proud,
The perfect pie, but
Nothing so base to be described thus.
For there is nothing better than you,
Cheesecake.

It brings a tear to the eye!

"i" vs "y"

If your name was Sidney (male) and you had a daughter, would you name her Sydney? That's just got to be confusing.

a fear of commitment

It's true - I'm afraid of commitment. I never have liked making decisions that have a lasting impact on my freedom and independence, and in many cases I put them off and put them off until one is made for me.

I've been trying to figure out why this is the case, and I think it's because I have such a problem letting go of what I see as my responsibilities once I commit to a group regarding something. Case in point were many of my soccer teams growing up when I wouldn't be able to stand many of the people I was playing with, and yet still felt some responsibility not to desert the team. The same thing happened my senior year regarding softball.

So I've resolved to be more selfish, and to try and ignore any guilt I may potentially have about 'deserting' a group or team that I'm associated with. Of course there aren't any cases where I can practice this new-found resolve now, but hopefully it will help me feel better making commitments to things and people, without fear that I won't be able to make myself get out of them when necessary. Because I think there's such a thing as too much patients, and I often suffer from it.

So here's to being selfish sometime in the near future. I hope.